~~LuV2Sk8~~

Im 60% Retarded!!

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 16:58:24 GMT

Way to boost my self esteem!! yeesh!!!!

how retarded are you? (Copy and paste into your lj/e-mail then fill out the answers. Multiply # of answers by 3 and thats how retarded you are :P)

[x] i have walked into a glass/screen door.

[x] i have tripped on my shoelace and fallen on my face.

[x] i have choked on my own spit.

[] ive seen the Matrix a bunch of times and still don't get it.

[] i type only with my pointer fingers.

[x] i have accidently caught something on fire.

[] ive told a cop to freck off and gotten screwed for it.

[x] i attempted to sip out of a straw but it accidently went into my nose, rather than my mouth.

[x]sometimes when i think of something funny, i laugh out loud and people look at me weird.

[x] ive caught myself drooling.

[] ive accidently caused an explosion.

[] if someone says the word "fart", i cant help but laugh.

[] ive turned into a "do not enter" one way road plenty of times.

[x] sometimes i just stop thinking & zone out.

[x] it is POSSIBLE to lick your elbow.

[x] i just tried to lick my elbow.

[] people often shake their heads and walk away from me.

[] people often tell me to use my "inside voice".

[x] gum has fallen out of my mouth while talking.

[x] ive used my fingers to do simple math.

[x] ive jumped off a moving vehicle.

[] i ate a bug for $5 or less.(ewww)

[x]im taking this test when i should be doing something more important.

[] i repost chain letters because im scared of what they threaten will happen if i dont.

[] ive peed my pants when i was drunk.

[]ive ran around naked when i was drunk.(lmfao)

[]ive ran into a golfcart tire when i was drunk

[x] ive searched all over the place for something, and then realized it was in my hand the whole time.

[x] i accidently break a lot of things.

[] my friends know not to use big words around me.

[] my friends like me because im fun to laugh at.

[x] i move my head to the side when im confused.

[x] sometimes i start telling a story and suddenly forget what im talking about.

[x] ive fallen out of my chair before.

[x] when im laying in bed, i sometimes stare at the ceiling and try to find pictures and words in the texture.

Bye Bye Domi

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 01:30:22 GMT

Well the Leafs really did it this time. They broke my heart. They sacked my all-time fav player. I'm now going to go back and cry.

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 21:14:22 GMT

Ohhh look I’m updating again!

The past couple of months have been rough. Still dealing with the stuff that I mentioned in my last entry. However I am doing a lot better. I am still working in Toronto and I am starting to like it more and more. I am actually really proud of myself for sticking it out. I still have the occasional freak out.. but things are a hell of a lot better than what they were.

On the weekends I still work at the pet store. I just don't have the heart to let it go yet. It sucks working 6 days a week but still working there is helping to keep me sain. Leaving there would finally be admitting that I'm all grown up... something I am just not willing to do yet.

Last weekend I had to finally break down and get a new cell. I HATE Motorola!!! I loved my old phone. I had a Motorola t720 but the thing worked awesome for a year and then it became possessed by satin! I had to send it in to be repaired last summer (while it was still under factory warranty) and I was without it for 8 weeks. I got it back and it still had all the problems it had before it went in! It would turn itself on and off when it felt like it... made calls only when it wanted to.. and it would change its sound settings all on its own. I know sooo many people with Motorola phones and they have the same feelings that I do. They work great for a year or so and then they crap out. They just don't make them to last like some other phone manufacturers do. Needless to say.. I didn’t get a Motorola! I have a camera phone now! Woot!

In other news I am once again severely disappointed by my Leafs. They make me want to cry.

Well I gtg.. my rabbit is chewing on something he shouldn't :P Later!

The worst month of my life....

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 22:46:56 GMT

Yeah, yeah... I know I'm horrible about it... but what can you do :P *Be forewarned this is going to be a very long bitchy depressing entry... but its my journal.... so deal with it!*

Well I am still working in Toronto. It really isn't going as well as I had hoped it would. Don't get me wrong.. I love the people I am working with, I love the environment, I love the benefits (medical and otherwise), and I LOVE the pay. But it's the work I am having issues with. I really feel that the agency life isn’t what I want to be doing. I feel that in my heart… but the thing is.. I am so confused.. I don’t know what I want to do.

The week of my breakdown I started to get into the nitty gritty of the business. Everything was new, I knew none of it and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t grasp it. The work they are having me do… isn’t even comparable to anything I did at school. The people I work with are all University educated or have full-fledged advertising degrees.. and here I am with a diploma in Radio Broadcasting with less than a year experience in advertising.

I literally spent the week close to tears and having a coronary every single time I heard my e-mail sate that “You Have Mail”. Almost every single day I cried all the way home. When I got work that I didn’t understand I went and asked for help… but help never came. I was hired to do radio and television buying and all I am doing is planning (newspapers and magazines) which isn’t even comparable. All my experience along with my confidence is with radio and television.

I felt and still feel like a fish out of water. I literally lucked out when I got this job. And I swear the only reason why I got it is because they didn’t administer the media test. Had that have happened I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing because I suck the big one at math and I know it.

The type of math they put on the media test isn’t even anything you would use in the real world because it’s all outdated because the computer programs have to do it for you. They gave no class for this in college.. and had I taken this said test… I would have failed it. Luck with me doesn’t exist. I should have know that from the beginning.

Yes, I know I did a seven-week internship in advertising agency but I have now realized that it was a seven-week babysitting service. I did do jobs during my internship that are applicable to what I am doing now, but I’d say over 90% of what I did was pointless busy work that gave me a completely false sense about what the industry was all about. Maybe just maybe if I had an experience then like I have had now I wouldn’t be in this mess. I would have chosen another career path.

I have also realized that surprise, surprise.... 3 years of Mohawk has prepared me for jack shit. Glad to see I spent all of this money on an education just to struggle to find a job and then once I get one I go completely berserk and have a nervous breakdown. Yes you read that right.... two weeks ago I was hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown/anxiety attack.

I was just watching TV and I just started to cry for no reason... and couldn't stop. I really don't remember much about it.. I just know from what my parents told me that I was hysterically crying for over two hours. My Mom and Dad were both trying to talk to me to see what was wrong and I wasn’t responding. From what they told me all I kept saying was “I don’t know what’s wrong”. My panic stricken Mom called my neighbours (that are like my second family) So they came over and tried to console me. Nothing was working and they ended up carrying me out to the car and the drove me into Hamilton to the hospital. I still don’t remember any of it. Apparently it took three doses of meds at the hospital to get me to stop. Lovely eh?? Well the fun didn't stop there....

This all happened on a Sunday night.... The hospital gave me such strong doses of the nerve calming meds that I was knocked out completely until sometime Monday afternoon. Mom (I love my Mom) called my work for me and told them I was sick. She also phoned and made an emergency appointment for me to go see my family Dr. So we made the drive in to go see him. The med's had worn off by this point.. and once again I was balling my eyes out. No where near as bad as Sunday night.. but crying none the less.

My Dr called me into his office and started to talk to me and asking me what happened and all I could do was answer a choked up "I don't know". He then proceeded to check my blood pressure (which was through the roof) and asking me more questions that I don't remember because by this point I was hysterical again. Needless to say I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Joy. And as if that wasn't enough I know have meds for the depression and under the tongue meds for anxiety. I also walked out with a Dr's note forcing me out of work until the following Tuesday. I was overjoyed... NOT.

Just to put it into perspective of how bad I was… my parents bought me an Ice Capp from Timmy’s Monday night.. and I didn’t even drink it. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love them. Me not drinking one when I have one is like hell freezing over.

There are no words in the world to describe how I felt that entire week. It was like I wasn't even in my own body. I didn't and still don't enjoy things like I used to. I laugh at sad things and cry at happy ones and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make myself feel any better. People kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn't even give them an answer because I didn't even know. It was and still is the worst experience of my life. I literally spent the entire week crying on the couch curled up in a blanket.

Every time I thought of work I snapped. I would start to shake and cry. It really wasn’t pretty. I was so bad I couldn’t even take my laundry out of the laundry room because I couldn’t stand the sight of my work clothes.

I started to go to counselling and it appears that the breakdown was caused by work (duh). They also think it was caused by me keeping everything bottled up and from issues in my past. She also said that it could be a sign from my body’s way of telling me that this just isn’t right.

I literally suffered my entire week off. I started having chest pains and I still have them now. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I really don’t. No one understands how I am feeling. I don’t even understand what I am feeling.

I ended up going back to work last Tuesday and the remainder of the week went O.K. but that is because there was stuff going on every day that relieved me from work for up to 4hrs at a time. Tomorrow is when the nitty gritty work is going to start again. All day today I have been close to tears and I am still shaking.

I’m just so scared that if this doesn’t work out that I will be back in the pet store cleaning cages and throwing my 3 yrs of hard work right down the shitter. I know that what I am doing right now isn’t the type of life I want to have. But what is? WTF am I going to do?

Maybe I’ll just throw myself in front of the train tomorrow. That is if I even make it out of the house. I am really not feeling well right now. I feel like all the happiness and life has been sucked right out of me. I feel like an empty shell. Shoot me.

Happy New Year!!!

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:14:57 GMT

HAPPY NEW YEARS PEOPLE!!!!!!

May this year be better than the last!

*cheers!*

More tomorrow.. now its time for family phone calls!

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 00:33:55 GMT

Well no update yesterday due to the fact that I was dead tired from boxing day shopping! Yeah the malls were croweded and I couldn't get anywhere near Best Buy due to traffic, but it was still a good day out. The deals out there were AMAZING!

I managed to score a dressy winter jacket from Reitmans that was usually $180 for $90. It is a really nice jacket and I feel so grown up and refined in it! I can't wait to go back to work to start wearing it! :P I'm not going to use it daily because I want to keep it for work. So my ski jacket will still be getting A LOT of use. Other than that I got some gloves, mitts and scarfs from Bently Winter and a pair of pants... and their not black! lol!

My parents ended up getting a new DVD player because our first one fried after we had it for a year in a power surge... even though we had it plugged into a really good power bar.. and everyting else on the power bar was completly fine. I don't get it. Needless to say they took the extended warantee out on it.. which covers power surges :P Stupid technology.. it's so damn tempormental!

It's so nice having the week off! Gotta love it! Not even working for a full month and I get this week off paid! I love my job!

As for the rest of the week... I plan on relaxing because I haven't had a week off in well over a year. It's nice because I am not working on Saturday either.. so I get to enjoy my weekend as well!

However.. tomorrow I have to do the return run and sometime this week I think I am going to suck it up and get my ipod that I have wanted since the day of their creation. I'm having a hard time with it though because I have never spent my money like this before! It's such a large sum of money... but I want one soooooo bad! It's my graduation present to myself from myself.. I deserve it right?!?! Three years with Brian Bolt.. and I deserve it right?!?!!?? right?!.......

Merry Christmas!!!!

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 22:00:39 GMT

I know I've been bad at updating again.. but I just wanted to make sure to wish you guys all a Merry Chrismas!!!!!

I hope Santa was nice to everyone! ;)

Happy HoHoHo day people!!

Turkey time....
Talk to you later!!

Money Money Money.. I need you!

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 18:06:51 GMT

Oh sweet!! LJ is now letting free users update 6pics!!! Sweetness!!! I know what I'll be doing this weekend!! lol :P

Anyways, today is the big day. It's the day of my new works Christmas party. I'm actually getting a little excited about it. However I am still scared because I still don't know very many people. All I can say is that there better be some cute.. non-married.... non-gay (*coughs*...you should all know wny I have those specifications!)I'm sick of being single... been there... far too long... done it.. far to long... and wrote a very big book on it. Time to move on. Everything else in my life is finally in the right spot.. now just to fix the rest of it......

Hmm... what else to write.. Oh yeah this morning two of our reps came in and one gave me this chocolate christmas pizza thing that looks damn good and the other gave me a dvd copy of "The 40yr Old Virgin". Man I love my job!!! not to mention the fact that today was also my first paycheck!!! I wouldn't have mad that much for a month of Super Pet shifts! Mind you when I look at it realistically I have to pay $20 a week for the subway and $240 a month for the Go Train, $50 a month for my phone and whatever goes on my visa.. which shouldnt be that much seeing that I don't like using it....So theres approx $340 gone a month... which leaves me with $$$.. but I forgot to mention that I have to pay back OSAP.. so thats at least another 300 gone... Oy. I've been here for three wks and I need a raise :S Oh yeah.. and the weird thing is that we only get paid twice a month. On the 15th and the 30th.. wtf? I guess I'm used to super pet... every other friday....

I guess its because I'm super stressed still. I still haven't finished Christmas decorating. And I haven't even STARTED to shop yet. To all my friends.. you might not get your gift until after unless I have time... family has to come first.

Hello again

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 18:08:05 GMT

Well here I am again.... two days in a row!! Impressive isn't it?!?!!!!

I'm on my lunch break and I am horribly bored. It's probably due to the fact that there is NO ONE on MSN! Yeesh... when I am actually trying to do some work.. then I get the messages.... but when I'm bored stupid.... I get nothing!!! lol

Anyways nothing new has happened since my entry yesterday other than the fact that the subway was so frigging slow this morning I could have walked here faster. A ride that normally takes 10-15 mins took close to an hour. That right there is the main reason why I catch the go train as early as I do... that and the next go train after mine would only give me 1/2hr of grace between its arrival at Union and my starting time :P

So apparenlty they are calling for a bitch of a storm tonight and into tomorrow. What fun. I have never ridden the Go Train in bad weather.... so it should be interesting to see if my train actually gets to leave or if they will cancel it again. Yes, I said again... my first week working here they cancelled it THREE TIMES IN A ROW! One time of which they cancelled my train, the train after mine and the train after that. Needless to say my second day on the job I showed up late :( Nice impression eh?!

And heres another thing.. why do we always get a snowstorm when I have something to do? Tomorrow is the staff Chirstmas party here and I wasn't originally going to go... seeing as it is my third week here and I don't know anyone... but my boss and my co-workers really want me to go, so I am. However.. the time that we are suppose to be going to and coming from this party the storm is suppose to be at its worst :S I'm a little nervouse about it because I wont be coming home until after 11 and I'll be coming home in a Taxi :S It's a long ride on the highway in a little taxi cab with a potential driver who has never seen a Canadian winter before:S

Well I should be going. Its 1 and even though I have a half hour left on my lunch, I am going to go back to work because I want to make a good impression. I'm trying soooooooooooo hard.

Talk to you later!

Pet Peeve of the day:
1)People who sit in front of you on the Go when they are sicker than a dog... and proceed to cough and sneeze the ENTIRE WAY without even completly covering their mouths. Gee thanks asshole.. I am finally healthy again and now you are going to make me sick because your a rude prick!! YEESH!

2)Big people who force themselves into non-exsistant subway seats forcing you to be crushed flatter that a pancake into the window. Must have been a nice view for the passing train. Me with my face complety smushed against the window :P

Wooops

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 18:24:57 GMT

Well since the last time I updated... nothing has happened! :P Except for the fact that I have started my new job! I am working all day every day in T.O and I am loving it! I love my job and I love the people I work with. I really can't say enough about it! The feeling of accomplishment and independence is unlike anything I have ever experianced! However the commute is kicking the shit out of me. My eyes feel like lead! By the time I get home at night all I want to do is sleep! Its getting a bit easier as each week passes. At least thats what I keep telling myself. But I love it and wouldn't trade it in for ANYTHING!

Last Friday night dreamabella and I went to go see the Chronicles of Narnia. IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING! I want to go to see it again... scratch that.. I want it out on DVD NOW! It kicks ass! I still like my HP...but still it was an amazing movie!

Other than that, I have started to decorate for Christmas. Yeah I know its late, and I haven't even started shopping yet.. but with everything that has happened in the past few months I a)haven't been in the mood or b)haven't had time.

Anyways, I should get back to work. I think I am going to try to update on my lunch hours now. Seeing as when I get home I don't want to even look at my computer :P

Talk to you later!!

I Love Harry Potter!!!

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 00:13:29 GMT

HARRY POTTER ROCKS!!!!!

Last night dreamabella and I went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.. IT IS A FREAKING AMAZING MOVIE!!!!

We were aiming to get the 7pm show.. but it was sold out... then we tried for the 8:15 show and it was sold out.. so we ended up getting tickets for the 9pm show.

We were really early (because we got there in time to see the 7pm show) so we left and went to indigo for a little while and then went and got pizza and then came back to my house and killed time.

We left here in plenty of time to get back to the 9pm show.. but somehow we ended up being in the second row! How the hell did that happen?? For the Backstreet Boys concert we were WAY back and we wanted to be up close...and for the movie we were too close and we wanted to be back farther!!! WTF is with that??? lol!

Reguardless of where we were sitting.. the movie was amazing! I want to see it again!. Right now!!!

Yeah there was a lot in the book that wasn't in the movie.. but it was still well done!! I LOVE IT!. I want it to come out on DVD.. tomorrow.. and I want the next book! I LOVE IT!

~*~
In other news.. tomorrow I am starting my first real job. Tomorrow I start working in an advertising agency in downtown T.O. I am scared shitless! Plus I am now broke because I spent a lot of money on stuff I need (ie: clothes,a bag, a hairdryer, my perscription and a bunch of other stuff I need to start work with)

Im so happy, excited and scared all at the same time!! Eeeep!! Im so scared!

I'll Miss You Nan.

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 04:00:36 GMT

Words can't describe how pissed off and heartbroken I am right now.

First of all... my Great Aunt (my moms aunt) passed away this week of Cancer. Im upset about it.. but not devistated on account that I really didn't know her that well. My memories of her include her getting angry because my Grandpa, Uncle Bob (her husband) and I would all pass cards under the table when they were playing Uno.

I went to her funeral visitation tonight with my Mom.

This morning Mom was home for the day... thank god. We got a phone call just before I had to leave for work from my neighbour saying that my Nan had passed away (she's not my biological grandmother.. but is by every other right of the word). I broke down and started balling but I stiffled it and went to work for the day because there was no point in taking the day off considering there would be nothing I could do at home.

I kept calling home all day today to see when the funeral is and its all happeneing tomorrow. I kept asking my Mom for times because I needed to know what to do about my shift tomorrow at Super Pet. Mom kept saying she didn't know for sure.. which was fine. So I came home after work to pick up my Mom so we could go to my Aunts funeral... and I decided to run next door because I knew that they wouldn't be up when I got home.

Well as it turns out im not family enough to go to the actuall funeral. I just get to go to the "party" afterwards. WTF?. Nan always refered to me as her granddaughter.. and they are always saying that I am there second daughter.. but i'm not family enough to go to the funeral??? WHAT THE HELL??? Its MY NAN for christ sakes. When I went to visit Nan in the hospital she told the nurse that came in and the woman who were sharing the room with her that I WAS her granddaughter... but I'm not family enough to go and pay my final respects? I just get to go to a party????? They say they are going by some list... and they don't stray from that list. I can understand that... but how old is this list????? There is no way Nan would exclude me from anything. WTF is wrong with this??? Oh.. but I should be pleased to know that I was NEAR the top of the "party list". WTF? I am so unbelievabley hurt right now... I can't even put it into words.

Im the type of person that needs to be able to go to a service and say my final respects.. and they are taking that away from me because I'm not "family" enough on some list that was probably made 10 yrs ago. I just don't get it. They say I'm family.. and then when push comes to shove.. I get the shaft in the biggest way possible. Nan wouldn't mind me being there.. I know that for a fact. And then when I was over there today.. they actually asked me if I was upset about not being able to go. WTF??? OF COURSE IM UPSET. Thats MY NAN your NOT LETTING ME SAY GOODBYE TO. Its not fair. This is bullshit. It's just not fair.

Im going to go cry myself to sleep and then I am going to go to work tomorrow seeing that I can't go to the funeral for MY NAN. I just get the pleasure of going to some "party" to be happy. Screw that.. Im NOT HAPPY.. I'm HURT... This is the crule. How could they do this to me? How?

They wont let me say goodbye. I need to say goodbye....

Long Rant

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 01:19:03 GMT

Wow life sucks right now. I am busting my ass trying to find a job and I am getting NOTHING. I'm getting no where. And I am second guessing everything I've done. I'm so down on everything I just want to quit.

I have less than a month to get my ass into somewhere or I am fucked until the spring. I HATE this. I'm trying to get a hold of teachers at school.. and that's getting me no where... I'm trying to get a hold of the HR person where I did my internship.. and thats getting me NO WHERE. I just want to die.

My parents keep harping on me to try harder when the fact is that I haven't stopped trying. All I've been doing is trying. They keep reminding me of the fact that I need to get in somewhere before the new year.. NO SHIT SHIRLOCK. They keep telling me to call my teachers. I've been trying. Then they have recently started on me to just take a day and go to T.O and just show up at agencies.. when the fact of the matter is you can't get in to the agencies because they are all under a security pass. I can't even move the elevator at OMD (the place I did my internship at).

I hate this. And I hate working in the daycare even more. I go to work everyday stressed... which ends up coming out on the kids and I am scared shitless that she is going to tell me she doesn't need me there anymore.. which the fact of the matter is... she doesn't. She is now overstaffed.. and I am the excess. Im stuck. If I'm let go i'm fucked. I can't go back to working in SP because I will NEVER make enough to pay my OSAP back.. which by the way started THIS MONTH.

I'm sick and I can't get better because I am sooo stressed. This is the 7th time I have been on medication since August. I tried talking to my dr about going on something for stress or depression or something.. and he didn't even want to hear it. I need help. I need a job. My life plan is going to hell in a handbasket and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

No matter how hard I try.. I just can't get a break. One of the girls I went to school with has had 10 interivews and she had another one today. Yeah she hasn't gotten a job yet... but at least she has had interivews. I haven't even had that much. Not even an offer.

And when I do get an interivew i'll be scared because there is a media test attached to them... which if you remember was a nightmare when I was applying for an internship.

I'm beginning to think that prick was right. I have no business being in advertising. I should just give up. The stress is killing me and its not going to go away until I am safely in a position... which is going to be sometime short of NEVER.

I hate my life. I really do.

I try to be positive... but what for. It gets me no where.

Happy Pumpkin Day!

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:26:46 GMT

Happy Halloween!!!

Well I did it once again. I had the best decorated house on the street. Over 5 hrs of decorating... for a total of 20 kids. Shitty turn out.. but what can you expect... its a school night :P

As for a costume.. I wore my pj's all day. For the people who asked..I was a little kid who was going to a sleepover :P. Screw them.. I wanted to wear my pj's.. didn't want to waste money on a costume.. and dammit I was comfortable!

In other news.. I ended up leaving work early today because.. yup... I'm sick again. I had to go for blood work and a chest x-ray. What fun. Apparently my Asthma (which I am suppose to have outgrown) is back and worse than it every has been. So I am soon destined to be a 22 yr old who has to go back to her paediatrician.

What fun this is going to be. Every time I went to him he always told my Mom to cut me off of the pop, chips and chocolate bars because I was overweight. Each and every time my Mom told him I didn’t eat junk food and I only had one to two cans of pop per week. This guy is a major blow to my self-esteem. But he is the best at what he does… so if he can take the 10 lb weight off of my lungs.. I’m all for it.

Well I am going to bed. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. My Dr wants me to stay home tomorrow, but I am going to see how I feel. He hasn’t met my boss.

Happy Day After Turkey Day!!!

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 00:32:52 GMT

Well Thanksgiving was good. We had our dinner on Sunday and my Grandma came which was nice :). Mmmmm.... Turkey!!! And pie *drools*

Yesterday my parents and I spent the ENTIRE day outside pulling flowers and shit. We still have AT LEAST another full day of transplanting and pulling ahead of us :S. I hate yardwork :P At least I can slip away for a timmy's run! God I love timmies!! Gets me outta everything! lol!!

Anyways, work kinda sucked today. I wasn't working with the people I normally do which sucked the big one. Other than that it's fine. I'm looking forward to Thursday tho.. It's PAYDAY!!. 79 hours worth of pay.. *drools*. Too bad I wont be able to keep any of it. Stupid OSAP.. paying for stupid education that STILL hasn't gotten me a stupid job. Fuck...

Why can't someone just give me a break? I just want to get my life to where I want it to be; and working in a daycare just isn't doing it. Someone help me :(

P.S. Does anyone else find it weird that my Grandma asked to borrow my entire set of Harry Potter Books?!?!

The Leafs Lost :(

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 01:54:45 GMT

My Leafs lost :(.... Again. Still winless and waiting.

As for my ti-cats... well... we'll just drop that topic :P

~*~
Now for the rest of my life...

I had my weekly shift at SP today. I actually don't mind it now that I am only working once a week. Im not there enough to take the wrap for anything and I'm not there long enough to get pissed off by anyone. Other than a massive flood today that caused my co-worker and I to run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get all our cages off the floor.. things were good. Not too busy, not too slow.

My full-time job is going well. There are days I want to come home and scream, but that's typicall for anyone working with children all day. Man parents can be naieve sometimes!
Me: "Yeah.. your son bit another child today repeatidly and drew blood.. AGAIN"
Parents: "Oh.. "johnny" must be hungry. You know you should really offer a vegitarian menu here to cater to him"

WTF?!?! Dude.. We aren't a restaurant... we're a FRIGGING DAYCARE! We feed your child what the GOVERNMENT TELLS US TOO!!!! OY!

In other news.. oh wait there isn't any :( I am still having a bitch of a time trying to find a job. I have been looking non-stop, but nothing I try pans out. It's like life is kicking me continuously in the ass. Everything I have planned out I can't do because I just can't afford it. I need a car... can't get one. I wanted to buy myself an I-Pod with my very first paycheck from my very first real job.. but I STILL don't have one so that's not going to happen anytime soon.

I am soo stressed out because if I can't get into the industry soon I am literally fucked. Internships are going to start in January and most places are already starting to interview for them. Why the hell would they hire me when the can get a student for three months to do the same shit for free? I am soooooo stressed. Nothing is going right.

I have watched FIVE seasons of Dawson's Creek in under a month. I need help.

GO LEAFS GO!!!

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:09:38 GMT

519 days of shear hell are over!!! It's Hockey Night in Tracey Land!!! :D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D

SOOO EXCITED!!

Yeah as you can tell I'm excited about the game. I broke out my leaf mobile gear last night.. the car flags, car mats.. the whole nine yards. Its fun. I really missed hockey! At least night I have something to do on Saturday nights now :(
~*~

In other news, Im working full-time in a daycare and I love it/hate it. I love the money but holy shit is it stressful!. It's not my career or anything. I'm still trying soooo hard to find a job in advertising. But it's still not going well. Im crushed.

And to top it all off... i got accused of decking myself and my car out in leaf gear for my "boyfriends" enjoyment.
1) I DONT HAVE ONE
2) Fuck you.. im the biggest fan you'll ever meet.

Gonna go drown my sorrows in some hockey :(

Bored

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:30:03 GMT

Your Birthdate: July 9

Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature.
You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous.
You are ever sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you are very sympathetic and compassionate.

Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations.
This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Lokelani Kiana

What's your Hawaiian Name?

In response to a question I was asked earlier......

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:23:35 GMT

Wee

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 01:24:21 GMT

The Ti-Cats won!! WOOT! Take that argo's!

~*~*~

In other news... what I wrote about in my last entry is still going on. Except now it has gotten worse. I don't know how to fix it. I hate this...

Random

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 01:58:25 GMT

Thoughts of the day:

1)It's a sad thing when you sense that something special could be there, but you get the feeling that in their eyes you'll never be more than friends.
-When's it going to be my turn??? WHEN???

2)It's a sad thing when people just don't know how to grow up.
-Oh well. I'll see them at the h/s reunion. We'll see who's on top then
*evil laughs*

~*~
On another note:
THE TI-CATS WON LAST NIGHT!! WOOT! The first win of the season!! :D Grey cup here we come! LOL

My Rant

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 00:25:52 GMT

I am so stressed out it is unbelievable. I have to go to work (the pet store) tomorrow and I am already stressed out about going. One of the girls I work with called me and told me that as of September 1st I am working FULL TIME.. in the bird dept (which I hate.. I should be in Small Animals).

Just last Friday, I had a conversation with my boss clearly stating the fact that I did not spend over $15,000 for an education to work at Super Pet full-time. I told her very clearly that I DID not and would not work over three shifts a week because I need the time to look for a job and go to interviews. She said that was fine and not to worry about it, she would just hire someone.

Earlier this week my reliable source told me that my boss went around ripping down the “Hire” signs stating that why should she hire someone when “Tracey said she wanted the hours” WTF? I am so sick of putting up with shit like this. I’ve already had someone call me and ask me if I can switch shifts with them in September. How the hell am I going to switch shifts for shifts THAT I DON’T WANT. I’m so pissed off. I told her I didn’t want the hours and now I have to go into work tomorrow and have this huge ass confrontation with her, which is going to stress me out even more.

Between the managers at that store station TO CUSTOMERS and to us that we are all
“Incompetent”
“Fucking Morons”
“Novice”
“Useless”
Those are just a few of the many examples.

For the past three years I’ve busted my ass off at that place and done way more that I should. And for what? For management to throw a hissy fit and throw shit on the floor in front of customers and make us bend over and pick it up? For management to verbally demean us in front of customers when they think we are not around? I’m TIRED of it.

I asked for ONE Saturday off in over a year.. a Saturday (My Birthday last month) which I booked off in May and I had to FIGHT tooth and nail to have it off.

Its to the point now where I come home from work and my hands are literally shaking because of being stressed out and scared of being humiliated in front of customers again. I try to talk to my parents about it and they just say that I’m over-reacting. They don’t even listen to me when I try to talk about it. I hate this. I want out. I can’t take it anymore.

I love Drugs :P

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 00:03:26 GMT

Ok, so someone is going to have to remind me to update this thing :P Im always online but never seem to make it to the update page!

Well here’s what happened since the BSB Concert…

I’ve been sick. I’ve been sicker than I have been in years. Yup.. that’s right.. over two weeks of sickness.. and guess what? IM STILL SICK! WTF?

Here’s the story since I know your all dying to know (not :P)

The Thursday after the BSB concert I woke up with a really, really sore throat. It was so bad I was actually in tears because it hurt so much. I just figured that maybe I slept with my mouth open or its sore because of all of the screaming I did at the concert, so I ignored it. However every day it got worse and worse. On Friday I called in dead to work and headed to the walk in clinic.

The bastards told me that I had a viral infection and that there was nothing they could do for me. They told me to drink juice and come back if it got any worse. It did. By Sunday I had a fever, runny nose, bad cough and yes.. a sore throat. So back to the walk-in clinic I went. Yet again I got the same doctor and he told me that it was STILL a viral infection and to go home and not come back. Period. What an asshole!

Monday morning I got up and felt even worse that I did on Sunday so I put in a call to my family Dr. They told me to get my ass in there ASAP so that’s what I did (I try not to go to my family Dr. unless I have to cause he is in Etobicoke and I live in Burlington and it’s a bitch of a drive when your sick) When my Dr saw me he freaked on me saying that I should have come to him before. Which from now on I will because I’m tired of the incompetent Dr’s at the walk-ins. Anyways I left with a shitload of drugs which made me very happy.

This past Saturday I took my last pill.. and guess what… NOW IM SICK AGAIN. What the hell is this? The cold that never ends?!?!?! So today it was back off to my Dr’s office and once again I left with drugs.

As if being sick wasn’t enough already.. my cell phone is broken. I called Laura today to bitch about being sick.. cause I think she has the same damn thing I have and still has it to.. and I couldn’t use my end button to end the call! Thank god I have a flip phone so when I closed it that ended the call. But now, I cant use the end button at all and conveniently enough the end button is also my on/off button. I haven’t even had this phone for a year and it has given me so much trouble! Its so quite I can’t hear it even if it is in my purse right beside me.. So I put it on vibrate which I thought would help, but that doesn’t because once it vibrates it’s the last ring so by the time I get to it, the caller is already on my voice mail. I’m so pissed off. Wireless Wave is going to get an earful tomorrow.

Yup.. so that’s been the passed two weeks of my life. Wee! NOT!

BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT! <-- Best night of my life!

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:04:29 GMT

Well last night was officially one of the best nights of my life! Not only did I get to go to my VERY FIRST concert… but my very first concert was the BACKSTREET BOYS! With my best friend to boot! The entire night last night seemed like a dream, I still can’t believe I was actually there and saw them perform! The only thing that makes it seem real is the incessant ringing in my ears!

I picked up dreamabella around 10 and we proceeded to drive to the GO station. Once we got there I toured around a bit trying to find a parking spot that wasn’t in no-mans-land.. it didn’t work :p. Anyways we got parked and we started to get ready to leave the car. I showed Laura two of these little tiny raincoat things that my Mom forced me to take and asked her if she thought we would need them. Despite what Laura may say SHE TOLD ME NOT TO BRING THEM! She saw me put them in the trunk and I asked again.. “Are you sure we won’t need them” and a “yes” is what I got in repsonse :P (more on this rain thing later on!)

Once we got on the train it was a smooth ride to Union… mind you I had a hard time sitting still because I was sooooo frigging excited!. Once we got to Union I took Laura through the “Path” (Its an underground mall that connects the business district. Its so large that people who work in that area don’t even need jackets in the winter because they can get everywhere underground!). We came up about a block from OMD (That’s the place where I did my internship). We hovered there for a few minuites because I was really, really hoping to see someone I used to work with. But it just didn’t happen. I easily could have taken the elevator up, but I was too chicken shit to do so. Man I want a job there :(. But that’s another story for another time.

After tearing myself from in front of OMD we headed off to the Eaton’s Center where we had luch (breakfast for Laura) at McDonald’s. It’s amazing how many “different” people we saw from our balcony seats! Not to mention the poor fools outside running around like chickens with their heads cut off because it has just started to storm!

After filling our stomachs we headed into the Disney store.. My favorite place to be! We soon realized that their stuffed animals were ALL ON SALE! I found a stuffed Winnie the Pooh and Lumpy (Heaffalump) that I really, really wanted and I ended up carrying them around for a few minuites. Laura and I began contemplating how it would look if two 22 year old girls walked into the BSB concert with stuffed animals.. and without thinking I said something along the lines of “Well, I can ask them to sign my Pooh”. Looking back on it now.. man was that a stupid thing to say! “Here Nick.. Would you sign my Winnie the Shit!?!?! WTF?!?! LOL

I put the stuffed animals down and we walked around some more and saw really nice mugs and t-shirts that we both wanted but decided against because we didn’t want to have to lug everything around. Lets just say I will be making a trip to the Disney Store in Limeridge very, very soon! After we left Old Navy we headed to Grand and Toy where Laura ran off to look at pens.. yes that’s right.. pens! LOL. That stay was short lived and then we headed off to Indigo. At Indigo we both picked up a copy of “A Walk To Remember” by Nicolas Sparks. He’s an awsome author. Anyways after we had seen everything there is to see we headed off to Old Navy.

In Old Navy we saw these really nice sash belts that we both liked but there was only one problem.. neither one of us could figure out how to wear them!
Me: “How the hell do you wear these things?”
Laura: “I dunno.. like a belt?”
Me: “Belt… what is this belt…*pause* Why the hell isn’t there a dummy around when you need one?!?!?!”

We both ended up in fits of laughter and we moved on to see the rest of the store. We somehow ended up in the clearance section and I saw this awsome black bag with a blue and green Hawaiian print on the inside. It was neat because it had all of these smaller bags on the inside that you could pull out and use seperatly or use all together. The only thing we couldn’t figure out is what this long rectangular thing was that wasn’t attached.. but was still in the bag. I chalked it up to being a divider of some sort. I decided that I wanted to know more about this “perfect” bag so I started to read the tag out loud I got to the end of the tag and soon discovered that it was a DIPER BAG! I’m never going to live that one down :P

After leaving Old Navy we both decided to that we had to go so we started our look for a washroom. I swear we were walking for 15 mins before we found one! You would think that a mall the size of the Eatons Center would have more washrooms wouldn’t you? On top of that.. it was ABSOLUTLY discusting! But then again what would you expect.. it was T.O. After the washroom fiasco we headed off for ice cream. Mmmmm…. Ice cream!

Anyways not to long after that we headed off to find out where the hell we were going on the TTC. Man that was fun :P. The guy at the TTC booth told us to go up to the road and get on the next streetcar that went by. So we did. Luckily Laura asked the driver if he was going towards Exibition… but NO! He wasn’t going anywhere near! Nice help the guy in the TTC booth was! We went back inside and pulled out the map and this SUPER nice woman came over and told us exactly where to go.. and she was right! Its nice to see that there are nice people like that in the world!

When we got on the streetcar it started to pour even more; complete with thunder and lightning. The entire time we were on the streetcar I was pestering Laura about her telling me NOT to bring the rain coats. Anyways once we got to Exibhition we started the walk to Ontario Place. All you could see in either direction were hoards of girls heading the same place we were! To see our beloved BSB!

When we got in line it frigging POURED! I ended up running to the store inside Ontario Place to buy two… yup you guessed it.. raincoats! $11.50 later Laura and I were dry looking like two blue monks. After a long ass wait we finally got to the gate and had our bags checked. I was so scared that they were going find my disposable camera, but they didn’t so I was really happy. When we went inside Laura and I both bought fake backstage passes and continued on to our seats.

The seats we were sitting in were really good actually. I was worried that we would be up in buttfuck nowhere.. but we weren’t. The entire time Laura and I were sitting we were stressing because we were worried that the people on either side of me were going to show up and Laura would have to move down 30 seats. As it turned out the girls on one side of me showed up, but not the other. So Laura mearly switched sides. Everytime we saw someone come down the isle both of us would throw a minor freak out because we were soooo worried that someone would show up. Anyways the concert started. The warm up acts came and went (They weren’t bad actually!) and then it was a long wait and then the boys were just about to come out and then…

Some girl came out of nowhere and stated that Laura was in her seat. Beside Laura there were 5 empty seats so Laura asked her if she would mind sitting one seat over until someone else showed up and then Laura offered to move back to her seat. The girl took off to get her friends to come off the lawn and sit in the seats and fill the seats in beside us. We NEVER SAW HER AGAIN!!!!! Laura and I got to sit side-by-side for the ENTIRE CONCERT! *P.S… Sorry Laura for your now deaf left ear!*

Now the fun began. The Boys came bursting out onto the stage and the Amphitheatre erupted into one loud scream. I was so happy and excited that I started crying, screaming and jumping all at the same time. I grabbed Laura’s arm and I think she was tearing a bit too. I continued jumping for several minutes.. Almost their entire first song! I smacked my knee on the seat in front of me and I now have a nice bruise to remind me of my awesome night! It was an indescribable feeling to see them up there singing away. I have idolized BSB since their first album and I actually got to see them live! Backstreets Back and in Full Force! I never thought it was possible.. but I love them more now!

The pyrotechnics, the dancing, the signing, and the 4000+ screaming girls made the energy in there unforgettable!

Some of my favourite songs of the night were: Show Me The Meaning, I’ll Never Break Your Heart, I Want It That Way, Shape Of My Heart, Beautiful Woman, Never Gone, Siberia, BACKSTREETS BACK! (Damn right!), Just Want You To Know!!!!!!!!!!!!! (MY FAV SONG!!! I cried through the entire thing!), Crawling Back To You (Cried through this one too), Incomplete (Yup.. crying again..)

There were SOOO many other songs too… it was awesome! They played songs from each album. It was incredible! Last night was so perfect it was just like I was living in a dream. I am at a loss to find a way to describe how it all felt! I laughed, I cried, I screamed.. Ohhh did I scream!, I sang my heart out and I made a memory that will last for a lifetime! August 2, 2005 will go down in the books as the most memorable nights/day of my life!

Ohh yeah.. and on the way out of the Venue Nick stuck his head over the fence to say hi! I just wish I had film left in my camera!

Like I said.. it really was one of the best nights of my life! Thanks Laura.. Without you it would have never happened!

P.S: When does the ringing stop?!?!

Happy Birthday To ME!!!!

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 02:01:21 GMT

Well as you can tell.. today is my birthday.

It was a meh day. Don't know quite how to explain it. It was just dissapointing. I dunno. Maybe I am just depressed about being a year older... maybe I just set my expectations to high and as usual was severly dissapointed, maybe its because NO ONE remembered. Who knows. I'll worry about it tomorrow. For now....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bottle 4 of smirnoff gone..* :D

~*~LuV2Sk8~*~